Forwarded: Thu, 12 Dec 91 19:55:20 +0000
Forwarded: "a me,alex"
Replied: Thu, 12 Dec 91 13:20:31 +0000
Replied: "harvey@EDU.NYU.acf5 (Alex Harvey) jimsk@uk.ac.qmw.maths,me"
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 91 18:19:03 -0500
From: harvey@EDU.NYU.acf5 (Alex Harvey)
Message-Id: <9112112319.AA29275@acf5.NYU.EDU>
To: G.Joly@uk.ac.ucl.cs, jimsk@uk.ac.qmw.maths
Subject: Our legal system


Supposedly all these are true. Taken from various court cases...
 
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
 
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
 
Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective
   witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
 
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
 
Q: (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
 
Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was
   a victim?
 
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
 
Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
 
Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
 
Q: How many times have you commited suicide?
A: Four times?
 
Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.
 
Q: So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe
   with respect to your scalp?
A: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q: It was covered?
A: Yes, bandaged.
Q: Then, later on.. what did you see?
A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on
   top of my head.
 
Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
 
Q: What can you tell us about he truthfullness and veracity of this defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonnofabitch- and
   she did!
 
Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
 
Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
   instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.
-----------
Tina Mancuso, Drew University      "What you think of yourself is much
tmancuso@drunivac.bitnet            more important than what others think
tmancuso@drunivac.drew.edu          of you."  --Seneca